What are your words made of? Are they everything nice and sweet? Or you spice things up according to the need of the moment ?
The simple notion that you like somebody, can be expressed in variety of forms: “ such a good person you are” , “you are a real good soul” , “I am happy I met you” , “I’m happy you are my friend” and so on. But we choose our words in the moment. With this, our expressions and communication with others, not just mould the relationship, but also, the person next to us. How?
When a kid falls down while playing and his teacher scolds saying “can’t you be more cautious?” rather than coming close and seeing if he’s okay, stating that it’s normal, that everybody falls down now and then, makes a difference. If someone is busy getting ready for the office and her maid hurts her thumb while cleaning and she thinks if she’s blind or where the hell her mind is when she is working; versus, when she asks, if she’s alright and gives an ice cube or few bucks to treat that, makes a difference.
This fact is empowering and sad at the same time that these very words of ours are responsible for the making of our next generations. Are we using ‘fool’ or ‘stupid’ for a boy who’s bad at maths or using ‘not as good as in language’ ? we can say “please be here soon I need you” instead of “who gives a damn what you’re upto! I said come at once!”
Through different kinds of relations and different stages of them, our way of talking changes. But what should remain the same, is the edgy-ness of them. We are throwing our words at others, no matter who ever that might be, our sons, maids, students or lovers. So consider one thing always that you blunt the edges first, so that they don’t hurt. I’ve come across ideas, that you’re close ones understand you, thus, will understand even your harshest words and what you actually want to mean. Partially true that is, but also, the close ones we have, are merely humans. Not all of us has PMS, but we all go through phases of life. May be you shouted at me because your maid didn’t clean the dog poop yesterday, and I was upset ‘cause my favorite towel flew off from my balcony. So I won’t be able to take your shouting well, and you’d think later ‘what the f is wrong with this woman?! It wasn’t a big deal!”
But you see, that is the big deal, when we turn our filters off: Filters of words. Yeah I understand the dog-poop-problem, but shouting on me won’t get that poop outta your house!
When we talk, we are expressing: our anger, happiness, joy, sorrow, grief and also, the numbness. We express, not just to release it all, but also to be accepted as we are with that. If it was just about the release of the feelings, we wouldn’t give a damn what the other reacted after listening to that. But we do. Because, the acceptance after that matters.
Trust me it’s not as hard as completing new year resolutions: turning the word filter on. (I always try). And it feels good, really good. When you know you didn’t say “Why is it so hard for you to understand that I’m not hungry maa?” ; instead, said “I’ll eat the moment I feel hungry maa, pakka” and your mum dosen’t look hurt (may be she just makes a face)
So if anyone’s wondering, was I talking about being sweet? Think about it: You’re going to school and you see a guy falling off from his bicycle. You go help him get up and say “where the hell were you staring at?” vs. “try not falling off like this more dude”/ “can you ride, or need help?”
Now, If you were the one who fell down, which words would you prefer listening? Would the 2nd one be ‘talking sweet’? or that will feel like a good human being?
Our words make us. They break us too. Filtering them doesn’t change your ‘you’ness. It rather enhances it, lights you up a little more, lifts you up a little more – in your and people’s worlds too.